Demeaning

That is exactly what my father was when he was screaming at mother this morning during one of the most intense arguments they have had in a long while. It all started by my mother saying JROTC was punishment. See my younger brother is 15 going on 16 and is being forced to stay in JROTC for the rest of his high school career, by my father although it is going to get in the way a very demanding year. My brother hates JROTC and you have to be out of your mind to not see it as something other than punishment in this situation. As they continue to argue, my mother’s voice starts to crack and everything gets louder and more intense.

And then everything in my stomach sinks when my father says “What has a high school degree got you? What good has it brought?”

My mother was 21 when she had us. She was never really the “yayee I love school” type of student, but she did enough to graduate and be happy with her achievement. She went to CSUN for a while but with twin daughters and a fucked up family, it was hard for her to continue. My mom put her life on hold and continues to everyday for 17 years as she goes into work as a service manager for Wells Fargo. She’s never home and when she is, she’s tired, in pain and stressing about the bills. If it wasn’t for all the work my mother puts in my family would never be where it is now.

I’m not sure how the rest of the day will be but I hope she knows that I love her and that I appreciate everything she has done for me and our family.

What kills me the most though, is the fact that my father doesn’t see where he is in the wrong. Each day my feelings towards him get worse. My father has done a lot for my and our family too but his actions and the way he speaks to everyone makes it so hard to look at the positive. I’m starting to feel like there is none.

I’m praying.